I’ve wondered countlessly about things I’m starting to realize ONLY GOD can control.

I mean it sounds remedial or to some maybe a basic concept, yet why do we still move as though we haven’t grasped its notion.

I say this because I lay in my bed this beautiful Saturday morning, as the clock reads 7:28am, my body somewhat relaxed, my soul intertwined, my spirit minimally settled and my mind still not at rest.

As it is everlastingly thinking of next steps, plans, goals, what to do and what hasn’t been done !

I’ve realized yet again,

My mind is directly connected to the contiguous relation between my Savior and I. So we must stay contingent upon our FATHER as the Further away we stray, the more the mind will constantly move at a pace the body just cannot catch up with. Trying to mitigate the space between our thoughts and HIS plans.

My mind tells me things GOD has already confirmed, and or denied yet in knowing that mentally I have yet to rest.

Questions like, What must I do today? Instead of allowing GOD to reveal the steps he’s already set. Am I doing enough being enough, should I set a schedule dependent upon goals that honestly I have not qualified through him. Am I eating right? Should I go workout? Are my kids satisfied with my teaching as though they don’t inhabit their own mind beyond my wishes and demands. Lord is this disturbing dissatisfaction I get at life because of me, am I doing it all wrong and here I go again. At war in my mind with myself about things

I cannot control.

I’ve said it before about allowing GOD to lead, but what does that really look like?

Let’s break it down into layman’s Terms.

I know when I’m behind someone in line per say, to follow, to not be so close knowing that at any step they could make a turn not dependent on my pace, my thoughts, as I’m the follower in the scenario not the leader.

This type of dependence, and or trusting I’ve trained for. As long as I’ve been in school as a child till now as a teacher, I’ve not only learned but have been taught how to follow behind someone at some point in time. I understand that I cannot look backward as this could create a distance between me and my leader and our destination that is already set is waiting on our timely arrival.

I know this, it is ingrained.

I too understand that I must not listen to others while in line that aren’t apart of moving the mission (line) forward or this too could be a distraction.

I know this, it is ingrained

As I grew older I started to understand that turning around to speak to a friend would not even make sense, as this line is steady and leaves minimal room to stop and engage in worthless acts such as playing or mishandling my position that my leader has set.

I know this, it is ingrained.

In many cases I’ve held every position in a line. I’ve been lead, when asked, I’ve stepped back and followed when told, I’ve held the back if I’m too late or simply have a name that starts with a letter in the alphabet that takes back seat.

I’ve been taught this. Therefore It too, is ingrained.

I can honestly say I know what that looks like, feels like. Even if I, at that moment wanted to lead, and my TEACHER told me to take back seat I understand that does not stop me from holding position or importance in the mission. As everyone must be accounted for. This is known. This is policy, hence the phrase “No child left behind”. So I know whether I’m in the front or back my GOD still sees me and understands my part of the line is necessary !

I know this beyond understanding, and it too is ingrained.

But how do I train my mind to follow the mission of GOD. Daily, tenaciously yet gracefully? How do I ingrain that into a worldly saturated brain.

Hmm, maybe I must do just that, train my mind.

By Ingraining his teachings through not only the hearing of his word but doing of it. Praying countlessly that with time and consistent dependence on the Holy Spirit will my worldly mind be saturated in him and through his continuous teaching, abiding by them will come naturally someday.

Knowing, ONLY Faith, grace and GODs unchanging hand will see me through until then.

It may seem as though I’m writing you this, but In actuality this is a letter to self. Right here right now in this exact moment these are the things that are rolling through my GOD given mind. As I am asking questions he is answering them in real time. I’m just understanding subconsciously a gift that’s been given must be shared.

So, As I lay here trying to understand how to retrain my mind for a mission I’ve had little training in.

I realize that too is to be taken one day at a time, and that We cannot perfect this thing called life in the skin we are in.

Just as my kids whom have been taught how to walk straight, bubble in mouth, steadily forward, still seem to do what’s not been asked, they’ll still turn around and entertain a friend or foe once I’ve directed them not too, but that doesn’t stop me from loving them and leading them to a place I know will satisfy their hunger (lunch in their case). AKA, The promise land for us believers.

Though I, Ms. Thomas may only be able to lead them to lunch, or recess, or home to their parents/guardians at the end of day.

GOD has the keen ability to lead you, us to a place he has long prepared for our heart, mind, body and soul to rest.

In His will.

Though this is an everlasting line we must commit to never getting out of through curves, bumps, inevitabilities of life, as missed exits will happen along the way, know he has already set your recourse.

He has already accounted for your disobedience and some ignorance of matters. He’s already understood that my child will turn at some point at a place I may not have asked, and do some things I have specifically asked them not to do, yet the mission must continue. And, Though he is a JUST GOD he is also the most loving father and gentlemen you’ll ever encounter.

Follow his lead.

Stay focused on his word !

Learn his laws and ways and ingrain them in your brain, and then surround yourself with those who aim to please him as the teachers’ pet does, always aiming for his attention because you at every corner are determined to get it right.

Just fight a good fight my friend, In knowing that you will never be perfect. Understand he is still overwhelmingly pleased with your best performance.

So, Give him your best. Nothing less is required of thee. Keep your eyes stayed on him. He knows you get tired, he’s marked stopping places for rest. He knows death, grief, tragedy and heartbreaking experiences will come, he’ll be right there to hold your hand.

Just as, I know my kids will have a rough day and I’ve set aside patience to carry them on days they cannot carry themselves.

Just as God Does us we must do unto others, only then will the path become clearer. Once you realize it’s many in line urgently Waiting on your Yes ! Will you truly understand why telling him NO is just not in the plan. For he is our leader whom has conquered all that is racing in our head. This world is just a momentary bliss.

Take GODs’ hand, ease your mind, and let the one who knows all,

BE ALL.

FIRST.

Today and forever more.

May peace and blessings fall upon you, IN JESUS NAME ALWAYS.

Until Next Time,

Amen.

Jessica Valentina 🤍

P.S One last thing. I’ll be traveling to Ghana, Africa in the coming months (if The lord says the same) ,but a downpayment has been required of thee by May 15, 2023 of 2,500 my total payment being 4500 isn’t due till September. So far I’ve merely raised 650 mostly given from myself to myself as I still must live before such day arrives. But, Traveling here could only enhance what I feel has been set in my will but ultimately GOD has the last say, so all in all if the Holy Spirit puts it on you to donate to my mission, my cause I will so humbly be appreciative if you click the link below and give what’s on your heart. If a prayer is all you have that too is plenty. Love you through and through. Ghana Trip Details as follows: https://gofund.me/a364e6b1

Here below are some pictured moments GOD has graced me to experience with some little humans I’ll never forget. As the journey continues,

Sincerely,

-GODSGirl.

ENJOY !

-SimplyJess