Enough’s Enough …
Ever been in a position where you felt as though life just wasn’t on your side? Like a rock in a hard place. Like the people around you weren’t much help. And you being the strong friend, never felt compelled to reach out to others because you were always THAT PERSON for them. I can attest that you’re not alone ,by far. I have this feeling often where I feel totally isolated & alone. That no matter how loving and supportive those around me are ,my lack of vulnerability leads me to a place of loneliness. I’ve Never wanted to talk to someone so badly yet feel like it was no one to turn to. I can sometimes be embarrassed by the things I want to let off my chest or just the thought of becoming uncontrollably emotional makes me just want to avoid the conversation totally, so what do I do ? I’ll typically talk to myself or GOD aloud. I’ll cry away my frustrations in the shower so no one can hear. I’ll write it down and share it with NO ONE , but never have I felt 100 percent comfortable with sitting face to face , eye to eye with another human to receive the comfort I’ve clearly longed for. I ask myself why is that ? Is it pride ? Is it the fear of judgement or rejection? Maybe it’s the fact that you feel they’ll see you as that. I have yet to come to a profound conclusion. I feel mostly we have to admit and accept the things we’ve done ourselves ,before we can have the courage to voice them to others. That’s the only answer that makes sense to me. The fact that I haven’t been able to accept my own mistakes. I’m ashamed, so I hide behind them and now they seem to hunt me. I blame myself for all the cards life’s dealt me & though I am part of the reason I am where I am I struggle with the thought of… is he punishing me or preparing me? So as I sit here and construct this piece, I’ve come to the realization that I think it’s pretty important to have at least 1 live being as your confidant .. your sanctuary. One person that you can cry your eyes out to. Someone that you aren’t ashamed to share your stories or experiences with. A non-judge-mental human that can listen to you. I’m not sure if you’ll ever let those things go until you have that One person. It could be your closest friend or a distant family member. Whomever or whatever your outlet is I promise it’s vital that you have one. Also, we have to understand that the mistakes we’ve made don’t define us. They are apart of your past that has made you the person we see today. They do not own you. You are BIGGER AND BETTER than them. You’re not the same person. You change and evolve to where people must re-get to know you, because the old you wasn’t even really you. Yunno? Like, I think it was just a version of yourself that played a part in building your character. It was a lesson. It was a momentary decision that you didn’t even think through. It was the person the devil wanted you to be, and GOD allowed you to go through to build you, so through those experiences you begin to move differently. it was something that potentially ignited you; to wake the real you UP . You are all of what you WANT To be in this life. Don’t let your past take away from your future. Don’t ever be to prideful to admit your wrongs. Don’t ever be too hard or too ashamed to talk to someone. I pray I learn to fall on those whom love me dearly. I pray I forgive myself for those things of which I can’t take back. I’ve learned so much within these 23 years of life. I can’t afford to make the same mistakes again ,because I failed myself in the recovery. Neither can you. I say all that to say. Today ,forgive yourself wholeheartedly as your wrong doings were vital in your evolving. Your mistakes and the voicing of them can help another human. It could save a life. A person once told me. “Aspire to Inspire before you Expire” ! So , Be CONFIDANT & stand firm in who you ARE TODAY. Not who or what you did yesterday 🙂
️ May Continuous Peace be Upon you,
Blessings to All & Until Next Time.